


we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear

by notthebigspoon



Series: Amaryllis [35]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-21
Updated: 2012-08-21
Packaged: 2017-11-12 15:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I miss that.”</p><p>	“Miss what?”</p><p>	“Being young enough to dream and have no idea that the dream can't or won't come true.”</p><p>Title taken from Waiting For The End by Linkin Park.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear

“I miss that.”

“Miss what?”

“Being young enough to dream and have no idea that the dream can't or won't come true.”

Most people don't think that Brad's the thinking type. They see the Okie, they hear his accent and dock him fifty IQ points, they see a guy in camo with a gun that posts pictures of his kills to twitter. Actually, most people don't see him at all. For such a big guy, he's surprisingly good at falling back and blending into the background. Disappearing from your consciousness. Nobody thinks about him.

They don't know that he's a voracious reader, absorbing anything that he can get his hands on. And he reads real books, for the story, nothing about the game. (Well, except The Dreyfuss Affair and the only person that knew about that one was Ryan.) He goes out of his way to help the people around him, to make their lives a little bit easier. He keeps Ryder occupied when Ryan needs to do one thing or another. How he bends over backwards to give the baby giraffe anything he wants or needs to keep him happy is another thing entirely.

Ryan had been thinking out loud during breakfast about an activity for Ryder, racking his brain because if he's going to drag his son around California with him for a few days, he's going to entertain him damn it. Penny had quietly suggested the natural history museum and Ryan had jumped on it. Ryder's been going through a dinosaur phase.

They're loitering in the butterfly pavilion, Ryder running back and forth after different butterflies. He's careful not to touch them after Brad had explained he could hurt them. He stops, now and then, to look back and make sure they're still watching him, waving exuberantly each time.

“Ever want kids?”

“I've known I was gay since I was a kid. Wanted 'em, sure, but I always knew it was never going to happen.” Penny says with a shrug. “And before you say adoption... who would trust me with a kid? And I wouldn't want to do it alone.”

“I trust you with mine.”

And that's the truth. It's not that Ryan distrusts anyone on the team with his son. There's just a different relationship with the outfielders, Penny and Belt. He's friendly enough with the rest of the team. But Stew had been his best friend and everyone knows how that turned out. They're just now able to talk to each other again. He's sworn he wasn't going to get that close to a teammate again, that the only person he was letting in was Belt and that was because he couldn't stand the puppy eyes he got when he avoided the kid.

The outfielders hadn't really given him a choice. He'd fallen in love with one of them and somehow the others became his best friends before he realized it. Pence too, when he'd arrived. He remembers hearing Hensley groaning that they'd gotten to him already. The memory makes Ryan smile.

“So you and Belt.”

Ryan blinks. Okay, subject change. “What about us?”

“Well, the other day. He was kind of eager.”

“I thought you were into it?”

“I was. I mean, I am. It was great, but-”

“But you're worried that he's going to get bored of you?” Ryan asks and Penny looks absolutely miserable as he nods. Ryan sighs and smacks his arm. “Don't be an idiot. Kid is crazy about you. What that was was stress relief and nothing more, just like he said. Wouldn't be the first time between us. But me and him? We'd kill each other.”

“I know. I mean, he's never given me any reason to doubt him. Even when we went after you. I wanted it as much as he did. I just didn't know what to expect after. I've never liked someone this much before, never wanted it enough to actually fight for it.”

“You were gonna fight me?” Ryan asks, and he can't help his grin.

“No doubt. I'da kicked your ass, old man.” Penny hedges. He gives Ryan a sidelong glance and they both burst into a fit of laughter.

“One year asshole. I only have one year on you.”

They're still pushing and shoving each other, laughing like idiots and not caring who stares, when Ryder sprints up to them and grabs Brad's hand. “Uncle Brad! DINOSAURS!”

Penny swings him up into his arms, sticking his tongue out at Ryan as they head out of the butterfly pavilion. “Dinosaurs it is.”

***

By the time they've eaten lunch and made it back to the hotel, Ryder is exhausted. He's half asleep with his face pressed into Ryan's neck with a stuffed dinosaur Penny had insisted on buying for him dangling from Ryan's hand. They've got enough time for Ryder to take a fairly decent nap before they have to be at the ballpark. He double checks his phone. Zito and Crawford's wives are kidnapping Ryder today.

In his room, he tucks Ryder into bed, kisses his cheek and tucks the dinosaur under his arm. Penny's in the adjoining room and they move in there to watch TV, leaving the doors between the rooms open so they can hear if/when Ryder wakes up. They scan the pay-per-view for a movie and settle on The Hunger Games. Ryan hasn't read the book but Penny has and says it's decent. Ryan figures it can't be any worse than Zito and Belt forcing them to sit through The Princess Diaries.

Penny is glued to his phone half the time, glancing down periodically to send a text and Ryan doesn't bother trying to hide his smile. It's kinda sweet, really, how crazy they are about each other. Belt's probably the only person on the planet other than Ryder (well, or any kid, kids love Penny) that can get Penny to loosen up and relax, to just enjoy life.

“Man, you two make me sick.”

Penny freezes, looking up and he looks so apologetic it's ridiculous. Ryan rolls his eyes and kicks his leg gently. “Chill dude, I was messing with you.”

“Sorry. Just... I know you're still kind of messed up with the shit that went down with Cabrera.”

It's the elephant in the room everywhere he goes, lately. He's talking to Melky, a little, but after the news about the website, he feels like they've hit another setback. He shrugs, taking another drink of the mountain dew he'd snagged at the machine on the way up.

“Not so messed up. Maybe we'll fix things, maybe we won't. Just taking things one day at a time, you know?”

“Taking it better than I would.”

“I've hit a lot of setbacks in my life.” Ryan answers, and then he laughs. Penny gives him a questioning look. “It's just... okay, have you ever seen that movie George of the Jungle?”

“Yeah, actually. I love that movie.”

“Every time something bad happens, I just kind of expect something good to happen after. So. I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff. I've spent enough time miserable. Just like you have. Chill out. Baby G is crazy about you. Probably wants to have your bullpen babies.”

Penny stares at him before taking the mountain dew and giving it a careful sniff. “Are you on something?”

“I think I've spent too much time with the outfielders.”

“Not gonna argue that point. Not gonna argue that point at _all_.”


End file.
